8th July 09

Not even 2 days old yet, still no sign of you getting outta SCBU but still nothing from docs to say how sick you were. Dr Bates informed us you were gonna have a brain scan which scared us but we were told it was normal practice to do this to make sure brain activity was ok. He told us you'd be also having more x-rays and bloods as well to see if anything new shows. Still no indication of heart condition which was yet to be identified. I wanted answers and answers today so i arranged a meeting with the main doc for the afternoon and waited patiently. Yer dad went home to take abigail to chloe's b'day and was then gonna come over.

I got loads of pics of you and you even opened yer eyes a few times, you had the most beautiful eyes, this was great i knew you knew yer mam n dad were close to you and you could feel our pressence. You had to stay in the open incubator so we didn't get to hold you. The brain scan machine came and he indicated that it was all clear. He tried using this machine on your heart but couldn't get a clear pic, mullingar didn't have an echo machine in the hospital which would be the correct machine to get a clear picture of your heart.

That afternoon your dad and i got the biggest shock of our lives yet, Dr Sharif came in and listened to your heart, she lfet the room and came back to tell yer dad and i that she detected murmur's (plural) in your heart and that she's arranged for immediate transfer to our lady's hospital crumlin. She was so supportive and gave as much detail as possible to what she thought it may be and full reassurance that you were going to the best possible place. She reckoned that the valves were the wrong way around in your heart and explained what they can do and how ur gonna be in the best hands possible, with the best cardiologists in ireland.

This had little or no meaning to your dad and i we were distraught, it was like a knife had been put through our hearts and our world had come crashing down on us. We were supposed to be celebrating ur arrival and beaming with joy that we'd finally got our Billy we'd always hoped & dreamed for. This was so unfair on you, you were so small and all we wanted to do was hold you tight and make you feel safe and loved. Coz lil man i can tell you now you could have not been loved more than we the love we had for you.

Your dad went with you to crumlin, i was still an inpatient so i couldn't go, this hurt me in so many ways it was unimaginable. We got to dress you for the 1st time in yer stripes and stars romper (see above), you looked so cute. The crumlin cardiac team arrived, your grandad kelly had brought yer dad over and he was very upset, he came in to kiss you goodbye. You were placed in a closed incubator attached to lots of machines. You were transported by emergency ambulance and we were told of the risks of the journey ahead of you. Your do do went along with you, you loved it probably because you had yet to be fed, poor lil man xxx

Your godmother Teresa came and sat with me for a while, i filled her in, didn't take calls from anyone i was too upset. Teresa left and it felt like ages before yer dad telephoned me to tell me bigger than expected devestating news. You'd had yer echo and he was in an awful state and said der was loads missing in yer heart and he didn't understand any of it. He did know that you had major heart complications and the cardiologist would meet with me in the morning.

One good thing was that yer dad got to hold, cuddle and kiss you for the 1st time. I was in an awful state now, i tried my best to get SCBU team to phone crumlin and get an explaination in english but cardiologist had gone home. I arranged for my discharge papers be drawn up that night so i could leave early the next morning. I didn't get much sleep that night, nor did yer dad i'd imagine.

So much has gone on in your life and you were just 2days old, brave lil man xox