Christmas Day

25th December '09

It was horrible waking up without you here christmas morning, just horrible. All you presents lay in your room, untouched, waiting to be opened... so unfair.

Abigail gave us a reason to smile this morning, she was so excited and overwhealmed by all the gifts she had to open, more excited after each opening!!! Behind our smiles tho our hearts were aching, aching for the want of having you here, holding you as your eyes lit up watching abigail getting over excited. Sitting you into you beep beep santa brought, or lying you on yer play mat and watching you play with all the activites it had for you, another gift from santa.

Rudolph was so messy, he left reindeer food all down the stairs, all over the sitting room and lefts the packaging out in the front lawn, abigail was giving out about how messy he'd been, santa ate his cookies, had milk and beer... not a good mixture santa!

Dinner went ok, we went to visit you before dinner, just your dad and I as roads were very slippy. After dinner we went up and opened all you lovey gifts from all your friends and family. We laid them out in your room for all to see, it was heartbreaking seeing all your clothes and toys... never to be used or worn by you, so very unfair!

Our 1st day of many without you in our lives... how was it??? Well right now i just don't know how it was coz i'm numb without you, still in a state of shock, in a little denial and utterly heartbroken...

Farewell Lil Man... til we see you again...

24th December '09

Christmas eve is my most favourite day of the year, even more so than xmas day, i just love the excitement, hussle and bustle and all the preparation for one big day! Xmas Eve will never be quite the same again, maybe in time i will get back my love for it again, but i'm not expecting this anytime soon.

I hate goodbyes and in your case it's not goodbye chic coz u'll always be with us no matter what, we may not be able to hold you in our arms and physically feel you but we will feel you in spirit and in our hearts coz no matter what you will always be a big part of our hearts no matter how broken it may seem now.

When you were born we always knew there would be risks of you dying, but that risk we didn't expect until heart surgery considering how well you were doing. Never for a minute did i think we would be met with this day so soon. We prayed everyday that this would something that would not darken our door. Teresa your godmother did my hair 2day, she's been so amazing this past few days, a true godsend. She is so proud to be chose to be your godmother. We gave Teresa and Paul their xmas presents from you today. Paul & Trish have also been amazing this last few days. Our whole family have been a backbone of support not just the last few days but since you were born they've been fantastic.

More ppl came to visit you today, you did more in 5 1/2 months and met more ppl that any other child your age, you sure did get places chic, a little charmer you've been. We took you downstairs for prayers , the coffin was brough in, time was getting close. The room cleared, this was it the moment since monday that we'd been dreading. Your grandad Ollie (in good intentions) didn't give us much time to linger together. It was like 2 magnit forces pushing against each other as i walked you to the coffin. It broke our hearts to lay you into that coffin, your new bed. I placed you down and with you was your snuggle blankie comforter, rosery beads and elmo from your grandad kelly, pack of milybar stars from Kathleen, pic of abigail for you to never forget how much you meant to her and i wouldn't let you go without you doodie and it was clipped to you with a tigger clip so you wouldn't lose it.

I gave you a kiss so strong, it was enough to last upon you forever, no goodbyes coz this wasn't goodbye you were always gonna be with us deep in our hearts. Paul drove us to church, we carried  you in the back of the car with us as you lay in your angel white bed. All family and friends walked behind us to the church. We cried the whole way to church, your dad was such a great support even tho he was devestated. The church was jammers, for a christmas eve and a baby of just 5 1/2 mths you sure did draw a crowd... a stylish farewell ;-)

Mass was beautiful, perfect in everyway, Mag & Gay sang beautifully. During the whole funeral mass i was completly distracted by a robin flying high over the alter, he actively flew up and down the window and across the alter high up from window to window. A robin had sat at my back kitchen window last week and hearing so many stories of how robins are related to death, it was kind of comforting as if you were giving us a sign that things will be ok and your safe and healthy now. Make ya wonder???

Mass ended and we brought you to your place of buriel with my nan & grandad. Your grandad ollie carried you up the aisle, however he managed i don't know, maybe you helped him through it. Grandad kelly took over, followed by Liam, Glenn, Dotty, Martin, Paul and finally your dad took you in his arms for the final steps, the last hurdle. The buriel was deeply upsetting for all of us, unexpectidly uour big sis abigail took an awful shock and went into hysterics when your angel bed was lowered into the ground. It was heartbreaking listening to her cry out for you, absolutely heartbreaking. I explained that down the big scary hole was a tunnel and thomas the tank engiene was waiting down there to bring you through the tunnel and up to heaven in time for santa to arrive. Don't ask me where this idea came from but it just came to me! She calmed down soon afterwards.

During mass, Paul did a reading, Kim & Liam prayers of the faithful, nanny's brough up gifts, ro ro & shirley brought a pic of your smile and your liverpool jersey and runners, glenn & maggie brought up your xmas cards and your musical mobile pooh, abigail brought up your bubble, Luke read the offortury and Teresa read the communion reflection i put together. Ollie (good in thoughts again) rushed us home so diggers could fill in the grave! Imealda dropped in xmas deserts and cake for the after service. Tina & Ray had a beautiful spread on of sandwiches i think chicken and sausages and soup.

I went upstairs to gather my thoughts, the rustle and bustle of downstairs made me realiase life must move on, time cannot stand still and time cannot move backwards unfortunately... I wished the world could just stand still or time move back so we could relive all those happy memories once again and treasure them even more that we had done. Little by little ppl left our house and then there was 3... me your dad & abigail.... not 3 tho 4 coz it'll always be 4 well for now anyway, maybe in time you'll have a little brother or sister. But for now it'll always be 4, the 3 of us and you in each of our hearts.

Being on our own was short lived, mammy & sarah came to help us prepare for 2moros dinner. Dotty came and Laura was in from next door all showing great support as always. Rosaleen, Luke, Maggie, Johnny & Kathleen came to help us lay abigail's presents out and leave room for santa to leave his presents down for her. The room was jam packed, she was gonna be a busy girl in d morning.

We then went off to bed, what would be our 1st night without you here, knowing you'd never be 'here' physically again...

1 day left...

23rd December '09

Walking up with you inbetween us was so special, just like auld times eh? During the the rosery last night i felt this warmth right up my back, it lingered for ages then i felt my insides freezing cold. A short while later yer dad got a simiular feeling. It was like you were letting us feel your pressence.

We laid you out i your room today, the sitting room was just too warm. i sat downstairs for a while this morning arranging readings, prayers, the offortury and the reflection. I dont know how but somehow i got the strength to write the communion reflection. You had so many visitors 2day, loads of family & friends came to help out, make tea and food for ppl coming and going. I made an album of all your great memories you gave us and eventually got round to filling all those empty photo frames and albums...

We took it in turns to sit with you and chat. In the back of my mind all day i was in denial of what reality was. i kept so busy i didn't have to think about what was happening. The Lourdes Fund called to sympathise and say that a spot remains open for me to go to Lourdes because they had decided to send me and you at the last meeting. The Carbury Carers sent in a chq to cover food and refreshments for the few days. Ppl were just soooooo nice. Ray & Tina and neighbours and friends brought food and drink, ppl could not do enough to show they cared.

Pat Ryan came to say the rosery again. We brought you downstairs for the rosery, how handsome you looked for everybody, handsome georgeous lil man how could this be happening?

We laid you in your room 2nite and put the camera monitor on to keep an eye on you throughout the night. Tomorrow we face the hardest day of our lives yet... saying farewell to our beautiful handsome lil man xox

Bringing you home:

22nd December '09

I woke up thinking i had just had the worst nightmare ever, reality soon set in. Brought Abigail down to give yer preschool teachers der xmas presents. We hen went to see Patrick Larkin funeral director to put plans in place. I got photos onto a disc and left them with Sheila to print. Laura did my hair and then i got a telephone call from Kathleen to say you were ready to come home. Your grandad Ollie took us to pick you up almost killing us coming off the enfield road onto the motorway. Close call...

Teresa met us up there and both nanny's came. I brought up one of your xmas outfits to get you kitted out in and a grandfather hat. As we entered the mortury omg it was painful seeing you just lying there, alone and cold. The man in charge dressed you in your clothes and the chaplin said a few paryers. Kathleen and some nurse from St Teresa's Ward came for the few prayers. How handsome you looked in your xmas clothes, so so handsome.

We brought your moses basket to the hospital to bring you home in, teresa brough nanny kelly home and we sat you in the back with your dad and i the whole way home. I then lifted you and carried you into the house where family and friends waited for us. We let as many ppl as possible hold you before we help you in our arms for the rest of the night. The rosery was @ 9pm, abigail was in bed before it all started coz all that amount of ppl would just confuse her. When she seen you, her first words was "Whens is he gonna wake up"

Huge ppl gathered for the rosery, so many ppl got to know you in your 5 & 1/2 mths of life, you got so many places, you really lived your life to the fullest. Abigail is gonna miss you terribly, she gave you losts of hugs n kisses, she just expects you to wake up, as do we all. We laid you in your moses basket and put you inbetween us for the night. It was so nice having you so close to us. Both your dad and i managed sleep tonight, think coz u were with us in body and mind.

EVERY PARENTS WORST NIGHTMARE

21st December '09

Daddy arrived in shortly after 8am from a long nights work, i was up at around 6.30 with you. We were playing with you loads, Dr Scree (Dr Quinns reg) came in with his colleague and said you were 2nd down on the list and should be due to theatre at approximately 10-10.30. you were put on fluids at about 6am with yer last feed been at about 3am this morning! Felt so bad for you, you love yer food and here we were fasting you and you starving poor lil man, not fair eh??? Despite the huger you were full of beans, your dad and i were playing peek a boo, and tickling games and getting you toys to keep you amused, you were havin great fun.

Your nurse came to inform us plans had changed for theatre and you wouldn't be goin down til 12pm... I was furious, your only 5 1/2 mths, fasting since 3am and it was so unfair, what could be the delay, today was just emergency cases. No docs came to let us know of the delay either which was annoying. I went off to the bank and gave u and yer dad some dad to son time :-) i was only a 1/2 hr gone when i came back your dad had a snooze while i gowned you up for theatre. When yer dad woke we played with you loads, you were so clever figuring out where i'd pop out from while we were playing peek a boo :-) We got loads of giggles outta you despite 9hrs fasting. 

At 1pm they called you down to theatre and about time too, poor lil man you've enough to be dealing with without unxplained dealys. Before theatre they did all their usual checks. One doc queryed why a specific cross bloods wasn't done, another agreed they'd do it once they got you on the table. i gowned up and brought you down with the nurse, this was my 5th time to bring you in for ansthesia, twice in cath lab, twice for stent procedures and now today. Dr Scree's colleague tried and failed to contact Dr Quinn to check if ansthesia could be administered.

The anethetist rang Dr Quinn on her mobile and when she came off the phone she said "Dr Quinn said to go ahead with the induction, he'll be here soon". The put you asleep, i gave you a kiss and handed you over to doc's. Fergal had still not arrived when i was leaving!

Your dad & i went to the canteen to get lunch, it should only take an hr or so, so we didn't bother leaving the hospital. On the way to the canteen we met laods of celebrities, there were all doin the ward walks for the lead up to xmas. Present was PJ Gallagher, Mickey Joe Heart, Mikey Graham, Glenda Gilsonen, Rosanna Davison, Keith Barry and many more. We got chatting PJ Gallagher and your dad took a pic of me & him, aghhhh! Think yer dad was hoping i'd say hop in there with Glenda but i was like no chance a sniff of her and it's good luck me... lol! We went to have lunch, met Kathleen our CNS and had a chat with her bout you. My uncle is good friends with John Hogan, country musician who had been chatting Daniel O'D earlier today, so he asked John could he give me a call to wish you well... and so came the call from the wee donegal man ;-) bet yer nanny kate & marie would be raging...

Just before 2pm came a frightening call from theatre, i couldn't really make them out, front canteen door was locked so i'd to go out the side door levaing your dad alone not knowing who was on the phone to me. The only word i can remember really is "can you come immediately". I ran as fast as i could to the stairs and belted up 2 flights to theatre, where i think a doctor let me in with his badge, can't even remember wot was goin through my mind, there was that many thought and sceanrios getting from canteen to theatre was a blurr. Waited patiently outside theatre where i began to cry my eyes out wondering what was wrong. Fergal (kidney surgeon) came out, eyes full of worry and sadness, i kept thinking this cannot be happening over and over. Fergal sat with another nurse beside me "are you on your own" i just asked him wot was wrong where he explained how you had met major complications and you were deteriorating. With that Colin McMahon (cardiologist) rushed by me trailing my call out to him.

My heart sank, you dad phoned where i told him to come quick. He arrived and we both sobbed out heart out as we awaited news on you... Fergal told us your heart stopped and somehow this didn't phase me because i had heard of loads of babies pulling through cardic arrest. 2 Cariologist were with you and Lars (heart surgeon) was down the hall. I asked how were you on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the worst and he said 8-9. I could not believe that over an hour ago i held you in my arms and kissed you goodbye as they put you sleep now you were in theatre fighting for your life. 2 nurses came with clothes, almost in tears as they passed us.

Docs brought us through to theatre, into what looked like ICU and into a conference room. Confused as to why we were being brought in here.Colin, Kathleen, Fergal & another woman sat around the table in the confererce room. your dad and i sat opposite them. Colin began explaining what happened, most of which just went over our heads, into the conversation realisation sat in that our worst nightmare was about to happen. When Colin spoke those dreaded words, every parent wishes they'd never hear. "I'm sorry but Billy passed away", your dad and i were inconsolable, i kept saying over and over again, "please tell me this is not happening, please tell me this is a dream"

In theatre i had been thinking we'll be in for xmas day but it's not so bad, we can skype your dad & abigail and we can see the experience through wireless internet. Sure xmas day is bouring anyway and sure now it'll give ppl an excuse to have something to do and come visit you. I'd created our whole day. This could not be happening, it really could not. You were thriving, gaining weight, meeting all your milestones, keeping reasonably well healthwise, smiling, giggling and playing with us just hrs ago. How is it that we're never gonna see you smile again, see that surious look on yer face when we play peek a boo or try figure out who's Ro Ro and who's Maggie, never see you demolish spuds or your favourite melon desert, never see those beautiful beaming lovable eyes, never hear that infectious giggle, never feel the warmth of your cuddles. Total devestation, what are we gonna do without you. Nightmare was now reality.

That curious look, just hrs before your scheduled op:

After a short while without a word to us, Fergal excused himself from the conference room. Colin and Kathleen were in shock, Colin couldn't understand, your death was so unexpected, a complete shock, your body should have tolerated this. You didn't even get operated on, not likely an anesthesia reaction b'coz they happen within 10-12 of induction and this was 30mins later. We were informed the coroner would have to be informed and a post mortum take place due to unxplained death.

We were left alone, i txt teresa and asked her to come immediately, she only worked down the road didn't telll her why. On of the nurse's rang your nanny kelly to explain you had met complications. I made a decision to ring both your nanny's, paul & shirley. It was the most horiffic thing i've had to do and to do over the phone was cruel but i didn't want word spreading before family knew. I could feel their pain in the phone calls, complete shock and devestation.

Kathleen took us back to St Teresa's ward where you were laid, to say we were in sock was an understatement, a tube was down your throat and plaster around your mouth, you just looked induced, asleep waiting to be woken, still warm and cuddly. This was the most cruelest act that God has put upon us, this was not your time, you gave so much to us and yet still had so much still to give, totally unfair. Teresa arrived where i delivered the devestating news, paul, trish, nanny kate & tina & luke, all came to see you. Luke couldn't bear to stay so he left.

The pathologist arrived to give details of the post mortum, it is likely that we could take you home 2moro. It is portocol that we identify your body to two guards for the coroners report. This was very upsetting, it was as if we had done something wrong to you. After a short while we took you down to the mortury and and said our goodbyes til morning. Paul drove our car home and Trsih drove your nanny's home, Teresa went home on her own. As i sat in the back of our car, i cried my eyes out the whole way home, repeatidly telling myself this was not happening.

When we got home Maggie, Johnny, Daddy & Glen were waiting for us. Liam, Sheila & Kathleen came then. Just before we headed to bed Rosaleen & Luke came. Your dad didn't sleep much as he was very upset, i was equally upset but i think exhaustion took over my body and gave me a rest. My last thought goin to bed was "please let all this be a very bad dream", no such luck!

Billy below just hrs pre-op...

EVERY PARENTS WORST NIGHTMARE

21st December '09
It might take me a while to get the courage & strength to write about this horriffic day but i promise when i'm ready i will share it with all of you, this picure was pre op on that very day, how brave, how cute was our precious little man xox Love Ya Billy Always & Forever xox

Operation Confirmed :-)

20th December '09
Your dad came in from work and i hopped you straight down to him and back to bed i went and myself n t managed to get a couple hrs kip after a long night of you acting the mick! Just before 12 Dr Scree called to say Dr Quinn  has managed to put Billy on the emergency list for surgery 2moro, he said we did not have to take it but maybe it might be a good option in case you took sick over the xmas so i accepeted. And so the mad panic began to get you ready and Abigail organised!

We got to Crumlin bout 5pm, on the way up we chatted bout the possibility of you being in for xmas day and we accepted the possibility and option like using skype and taking it it turns to be with Abigail! Hard decisions but the main thing was you were gonna be fixed, well partially fixed anyway! No beds available in St Teresa's so we were admitted to St Peters, we got settled in the nurses were very nice. Your dad had to leave for work so he went to get me some dinner.

One of the nurses gave me a green bumbo seat for you, maggie had got you a red one for xmas it was great to try it out for you, my got you were soooo cute sitting up smiling at me the ward sister said all you needed was a pipe. I spiked up yer hair and took loads of pics, you were delighted with yourself sitting up looking all around you! Docs came and filled me in on things to expect 2moro and what complications can occur and solutions to problems should they arise. The IV nurse came to put in your canula, poor babes felt so bad for you wish i could take the pain for you, took her 2 attempts to get it in.

Never usually take my camera to the hospital but seen as it was xmas and i brought yer santa outfit with me i said i'd take loads of pics of you and it was gonna be your 1st surgery even tho you've had 4 diff procedures under anestetic b4 this time you were being opened!!! The lights were off and you were sitting up in your bumbo and you kept beaming up into the air, Eyeore was painted high up on the wall but it was hard to know wot u were beaming at coz taught it was too dark for you 2 see Eyeore properly plus u never really beamed like this when watching telly at home. So i recorded you on video and boy were you beaming into the air lil man... at what i don't know looking back now i think i know exactly wot it was... those dimples were just heart melting chics xox This video can be watched by selecting the link below!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sx9MyR5u9w0

Operation Off/Operation On!!! aghhhhh

18th December '09
Fed you at 3.30am this morning in the hope that when i rang crumlin at 8am your operation would be back on as scheduled. Telephoned at 8am to be told it had been cancelled due to bed availability and cutbacks, surgery would be scheduled in the new year. I was so angry and frustrated, this repair was emergency in my eyes, i was terrified that you'd take more cynotic episodes over the christmas, they are just too dangerous and scary to happen again. Rang Dr Scree and expressed my utter disappointment with Dr Quinn and his management of care towards you, also telephone Kathleen (CNS) to tell her your surgery had been cancelled and how upset and worried we were!

19th December '09
Your dad was on nights so your godmother Teresa stayed the night, Teresa usually stays in the back room but 2nite i asked her did she wanna kip in with me n you. You were in your cot but do ya think you'd settle, i don't know how many times you woke until eventually i put you in between the 2 of us, you settled for a while then you were wide awake again and you were like that the whole night, kept both me & t awake, we were exhausted!

Abigail's Nativity Play & Hos Prep!

17th December '09
This morning we got prepared for your hospital stay for your kidney repair surgery 2moro. Abigail had her playschool nativity play this morning and she was a pudding, i had got you a pudding outfit so you'd be matching your sister ;-) I dressed you up and we took you to the play, your sister was just brilliant, she made us all proud and remembered all her lines and sang all the songs brilliantly. Everyone just doted on you coz u just looked adorably handsome and soooooo cute in yer pudding outfit.

Anywho got home and did some more packing for the hospital and got things in order for Abigail. You had loads of visitors up to see ya off, yer grandad Ollie came and your granny & grandad kelly also came, stan & sheila came and shirley. Rang crumlin to check status on bed availability and there was a big feic up and you were cancelled. I was so disappointed and frustrated. It took me over 1 1/2 hrs to get someone on the phone to figure out where we stood and what was the POA for kidney surgery and what i was to do with your over the christmas period. After endless calls i got no satisfaction. I was told to ring am and feed you during the night as you may get called 2moro.

OPD App with Dr Quinn

16th December '09

We couldn't arrange a private appointment with Dr Quinn regarding you recurring kidney problems so we managed to get a public appointment quicker (bizare). Anywho we took you up for a renal scan first and then we came back down with the results to Dr Quinn. Dr Quinn said we'd no option really but to go ahead with kidney repair surgery and he'd like to schedule you in for the 18th Dec '09. I had a feeling things were gonna be scheduled b4 xmas but i was happy for this to happen b'coz it meant you'd be all fixed up and ready for heart surgery in March, plus we'd be avoiding hospital stays for kidney infections.

Everyone at home was suprised and kinda worried but your dad and i were relieved that at least for xmas you'd be free from the dreaded kidney spasams. If everything went as planned with be taking you home on the 22nd Dec just in time for santa!

Your 1st Tooth :-) & Visit to Dr Lars Nolke!

15th December '09
<<<< Just look at the puppy fat ;-)
Yesterday Johnny was playing with you on the sofa and he reckons you have a tooth... you were goin mad with yer gums and he had a little feel and said he thought he felt something. So this morning i sat with you and had a good feel around yer gums, consulted with Maggie and it is confirmed you hav got yer 1st Tooth, hurrah :-) I felt your bottom gum and i could feel the tiniest sharp edge, so i reckon it's just barely cut through.

Also had our 1st appointment with your cardiac surgeon Dr Lars Nolke in the blackrock clinic, Lars was so happy with your progress and weight gain. He was positive that you were working well towards your surgery in March and your healthy weight gain would be favourable. We queryed your kidney repair surgery and he was confident that you would be strong enough.

We talked about your future as a heart baby/child and your ability to be a 'normal ' child and lead as normal as possible life. We had been under the impression that you would not play many sports and your activites as a child would be limited but Lars said that once you are over the first few repair heart surgeries you would go on to do much activites as any other child. Your dad was so pleased to hear this, he so wants to see you out playing football with your cousin's Finn & Kyle and all the 'boys' in the years ahead, we were so pleased with Dr Nolkes' confidence in your future prognosis!

He said that the surgery in March would be very complex and it would be the first in a line of heart surgeries for you. The first being to join the MAPCA's (extra arteries) up to the main pulmonary arteries and wait for them to grow, also in the first surgery they would hope to put in an artifical pulmonary valve (coz urs is missing lil man). The second surgery once you have time to recover would be to close the ASD & VSD (holes) or maybe partial closure depending on how well you do. Then as you grow the artifical valve would have to be replaced as necessary maybe @ 4-5yrs old, in your early teens and late teans/early adulthood you could have a valve inserted that would grow with & hopefully last a lifetime!

A great day all round ;-)

Another trip to see Santa!

13th December '09
Today was the wheatfield kids xmas party in the greenisle hotel. We all went up and it was a great party, abigail had great fun and everyone was delighted to see all of us there. Your dad was well pleased he got to show off you both that day to all his work mates. Abigail got her face painted as a raindeer and you got lovely gifts from santa and loads of sweets. That eveing when we got you home we dressed you both up in santa and elf gear, you were so cool!

Funny Story

11th Dec '09
Tonight Maggie & Johnny stayed over to mind you while your dad and i went to the Wheatfield xmas party. Maggie couldn't find the plasters to hold on your breathing monitor so she used a Disney Princess Plaster! Halarious, i know. Anywho during the nite you got mischievious and pulled it off, alarming the monitor and almost giving maggie and johnny a heart attack! You had a bit of a bug dat day, which passed onto me at the xmas party and passed onto maggie during the night.

12th Dec '09
Maggie had to have Kathleen & Tony come take care of you this morning when johnny went to work, she was still in a bad way with 24hr bug, as was i. Think you managed to pass your bug onto just about everyone in the space of just a few days, lol!

A&E followed by Hospital Stay!

6th - 9th December '09
Was getting pretty sick of hospital stays now, we're constantly in in the last few weeks. I don't mind staying with you i just hate to see you in hospital, it's just no good for you, hospitals are full of infections. Your dad got off work at 5 so your grandad drove us to kinnegad to meet him. Shirley took yer sis to larkins for dinner and yer nanny was gonna collect you later. I just had a feeling you weren't well, you were running a temperature and thats never a good sign.

After almost 5hrs in A&E and them trying to figure out weather or not you needed to be admitted or not, we were eventually admitted to the paed's ward. You'd a kidney infection. Admissions nurse was so rude, she obviously isn't very understaanding that we'd been 5hrs in A&E i wasn't giving out but when we got to the ward we were ages waiting on someone to come see us! Anywho she came and said "Your obviously not happy with the service you recieved, here's a complaint form". Shocked i quickly took the form and told yer i was getting used to filling these forms out.  She then put us into a room sharing with someone else. I'd no problem with this but worried as they didn't have a disgnosis for the other baby, so they'd no idea weather it was any harm to putting you in with her, typical HSE protocol! It took them 5 attempts to insert a canula, eventually getting it into your foot! I was so mad with them, you were so upset xox

7th Dec '09
Dr Lambert was on rounds, she came to see you, she said we'd be a few days in at least until the infection started to clear and culture report came back from samples. She asked if i could get the rsv injection sent over so it could be given as the ward was full of bronchulitis and other infections. Diane was also doing rounds with her, she's so nice. Dr Lambert also said we'd to be moved as soon as possible into a single room.

8th Dec '09
Nothing much happened today, we'd to try keeping you amused with toys and telly, you were very good tho having regular naps and feeding relatively well. You had a kidney scan and xray to show the placement of your stint, they were gonna forward pics to Fergal Quinn. You had a very small nose bleed but nurse didn't know why! Culture results came back later on this evening, you've had med growth which meant nothing really to them. They requested a repeat exam of the samples. You woke screaming 3 times during the night but settled once i got u to you.

9th Dec '09
You got your rsv injection today and they've decided to let us home! Got you all packed up and and went to get you a bottle, when i came back you were having a cynotic spell, i rushed out to the nurse and she tested your sats and they were very low but quickly went to 60's, then 70's and low 80's. This was very unusual and i noticed a vein popping out on your head. Doc came to have a look, but then said it was ok to send you home. I was worried re kidney problems, but they arranged an app with Fergal early next week.

Kyle's Christening & Lullymore

5th December '09
Today was you little cousin Kyle's christening. So we got you all dressed up in spanking new clothes and yer sister had a beautiful dress. Yez were so cute in yer new outfits. We got to the church and when we were all settled in you gave a sharp cry as if to say "let me out", so i picked you up outta yer buggy and held you during the sermon, you were as good as gold looking around you all smiles for everyone then you eventually nodded off again. Your dad took you whilst i got some pictures of kyle in his lovely outfit.

We headed for donoghues then for some food and music you were asleep for most of this, we then had to leave for a little while to go to Lullymore. 22q11 Ireland support group were having a fun day in Lullymore for all children with Digeorge and their families. So we got their and the place was jammers we met with Ellen Anne, Derek and a few others. We queued for santa, this was your 2nd visit to santa, abigail was delighted to see santa again. Ellen gave us some raindeer food in special glitzy bags, Abigail was so excited bout leaving this out for the raindeers xmas eve. Got to see santa you were ever so curious and this big man in a red suit! We collected your presents off the elves, we watched the helpers make snow and we went for a trip on the train, your buggy wouldn't fit on the train so you dad stayed behind while i brought abigail on the train. We chatted with the group for a while and then left to go back to the christening.

The music was quite loud back at the christening so i didn't leave it long before i brought you both to maggie's to stay the night. Maggie was delighted to have yez early and i went back to the christening.

The Home Straight..

Nexts post will be December ones, dreading doing this month coz i'm now on the home straight and i'm shortly gonna be finished, these will be among some of the hardest post and hardest memories to relive ;-(

Your 1st Tear ;-(

30th November '09

Today was a sad day, you got upset and shed your 1st tear, another milestone but a kinda sad one!

1st Visit to Santa

27th November '09

On the way home from the hospital, we stopped of in Liffey Valley to meet your big sister, Ro Ro and Luke. Abigail went to see santa already but went back a 2nd time with you. You sat up on santa's knee and abigail told santa what you'd like for xmas. Got pic and keyring, tried to take a pic of the pic but it didn't come out that good. Ah well there'll be plenty more visits to santa. You got a teddy from santa today, your 1st present from santa. Oxygen ppl called to arranged you oxygen tank for home and PHN arranged for breathing monitor. All as precaution in case you've another cynotic spell. So bit more relaxed now as we bring you home ;-)

Hospital Stay in Crumlin!

24th November '09
Well it was the day after your stint replacement, your dad went off to work whilst i stayed with you. You were in a little pain still and weren't too keen on bottles. Dr McMahon came and did an echo, he didn't see any changes which was great considering you had a cynotic spell. He thought maybe you got dehydrated and thats what happened, i was blaming myself for covering you up so snug and blanket over yer face caused it but he said it wouldnn't have had an effect coz yer airway wasn't blocked. This was a huge relief, i was still reeling from the effects of that big scary nite!

Abigail was not well so yer dad finished at 5pm and picked me up we had to go home to her, coz she was also missing us loads. I cried the whole way home, i hateded leaving you even tho i knew the nurses would take excellent care of you. Altho you didn't drink a whole lot, i rang to check up on you @ 9pm and you'd drank 4-5oz, great lil man save me worrying bout you during the nite. Abigail had a terrible nite with a roaring high temp, we'd to give calpol and nurofen every few hrs to keep it down. We missed you loads dat nite, ro ro had a mass in the house and Eddie Stone prayed with me saying everything was gonna be ok, which gave me comfort but still wished i was by your side.

25th November '09
Nurses said you were unsettled 2nite and this morning. I didn't manage to get up to you til 10.45, after your big sisters bad nite i let her sleep on this morning, sorry buddy. You were all smiles when i arrived, think you just missed yer mam and was narky with the nurses coz i asn't there ;-) You had yer breakie for me and drank a bottle. You were given a kid scan, docs didn't come for ages, Dr Scree (fergal's reg) said the stint has moved fractionly but der happy with its function, i'm certainly not happy, this was just not fair, procedure wasn't a success, aghhhhhhhhhhh! Your still experiencing discomfort, so we'll get to see Fergal Quinn 2moro see whats his plan of action. Myself and yer dad are staying with Anne 2nite out near dundrum, we're only 15mins away from ya.

26th November '09
Thought we'd get home 2day, waited all day for Fergal to come but he didn't come til evening. The stint which was put in mon has moved completly an xray confirmed this, this was like a knife to the heart, i was furious, this is so unfair, the pain you went through to have it done and all for nothing. Fergal says he's not gonna try again, its just not gonna work for you and he doesn't know why it's not working. He reckons the kidney has repaired itself a little and he's gonna wait a while and see if kidney repairs itself more. I'm not so sure bout this i think just go ahead and fix the kidney why leave something in thats not working properly, but Dr Q says it's not doin u any harm. Not getting home 2day we're seeing colin 2moro, i decided to stay 2nite see if you were unsettled with me there, nurse moved us to sharing room later on dat nite was raging, we were private but down as public. Anywho shared with another patient and his carer and you'd a fine nite, not unsettled at all.

27th November '09
Colin didn't some til after 3.30 and we were mad to get ya home. Anywho best we see him b4 we head home. There was no telly or anything in sharing room, and i wasn't pleased with who we was sharing with, very nice child and nan but parents were a bit unpleasent. Colin apologised for the mix up and told us to ensure they mark us private in future, he didn't seem pleased we had to share. He did an echo on the big machine and was pleased with what he found, no changes and things seemed as healthy as they could be. Colin is happy for Fergal to do surgery if needs be, so it's a wait n' see game from here on in! Here's hoping it'll be Jan b4 we're back up here ;-)

Kidney Stint Replacement..

23rd November '09

Telephone Crumlin last nite and was told that we could bring you straight to surgical day ward 2day and they could get you a bed afterwards, they also told me to fast you from 7am. Anywho when we got there at bout 10am they were ready to take you from 11am but nurse last nite should've told me to fast you from 5am, you need to be 6hrs fasting b4 you can go to theatre, i was so mad.

Anywho you were so good, we played with you a little and when you were getting tired i got you asleep for a while and shortly after 2pm they took you down. We had you back in St Teresa's at bout 4pm, you were in so much pain babes, screaming when you tried to pee, i knew this wasn't a success, no way could you be in this much pain. Nurses had to give you high doses of calpol and codine. Initially you had smiles for us, probably just pleased to see us but then you were very unsettled with pain. Your lil man was so swollen and passing urine was extremly painful. It was horrible to see you in so much pain, if i could i would've taken it away from you babes. Your dad and i stayed in parents accomodation so we could be close by should you need us. xox

You laughed out loud ;-)

22nd November '09

Today for the first time your infections smile turned into your first laugh out loud when i tickled your tummy with my nose. Seems really irevelant but this made us so happy inside. Watching you giggle out load and showing us that beaming smile was amazing. All your goin through lil man and yer still able to give us those smiles n giggles, your so brave xox

Your 1st Cynotic Spell

19-21st November '09

Well after that big scary nite, me and yer dad were so thankful to have you with us, the most horrible feeling in the world was when we thought we were gonna lose you. On 21st Nov we got to take you home from Mullingar, with follow up appointment with Colin Mc on monday when yer due in for that stint replacement. We were so happy to take you home that day, your lifes so precious to us.

Big Big Scary Day...

19th November '09

You were due to be admitted today for your stint procedure 2moro but Crumlin were unsure if a bed would become available. In the afternoon admissions called to say we'd had to go to surgical day ward 2moro and they'd worry about a bed afterwards. So we all took a trip to tesco to do the shopping, coz if you were goin in 2moro we'd be in for a few days and i wouldn't have time to get the groceries.

We got home, i fed you yer bottle changed you and you went for a sleep in the sitting room. It was nice and cosy we'd a warm fire on and when dinner was over i'd feed you the rest of your bottle. A short while later we heard you crying and your dad found you very dusky and gasping for breath. I was horrified, but remained calm, poor lil man you were struggling to breath. Got into car didn't even put on a seat belt. Rang locum doc said he'd no oxygen and to go straight to A&E, i knew you wouldn't make it there and he said he couldn't help to ring for an ambulance. I dropped the phone telephone an ambulance whilst going to all three 3 GP's here in town. None of the 3 were at home but i still managed to remain calm. Don't know how but Ofalia House nursing home sprung to mind, quickly got you up there, informed the ambulance thats where we'd be. I ran up and down the corridoors of the nursing home screaming for help and nurses came to our aid i then handed you over to their care and had a meltdown. Your dad was crying up until this and then i took over while he remained calm. Ambulance arrived after what felt like forever then after them the locum arrived, my family and your dad was furious with him and i wouldn't let him examine you b'coz the paramedics were happy to take you straight to the hospital. The fire birgade were on training in the building across from the nursing home and they also came to offer their support and help.

Nursing home had got a deliverery of baby masks instead of adult masks bu pure accident and one nurse on call was a trained paeds doc who had previously worked in Temple St. so we had been blessed, you were given your much needed oxygen. In the ambulance you were on 100% oxygen and yer sats were only 36% heart was going 210bpm. From the time we got into the ambulance i sobbed my way through the hail mary repeatidly til we arrived at the hospital. By the time we got to the hospital yours sats were 60-70% nad heart was 160-170bpm.

Did xrays and bloods in a&e and was admitted to the ward. Your sats was now high 70's low 80's and heart rate was normal. You were now on minimal amt of oxygen and they would wean you off it gradually. This was your 1st cynotic eposide which meant you could have another. But i thanked God you were back with us, this was the closest we'd ever came to losing you and the funny thing was if beds were available you should've been in Crumlin 2nite awaiting stint replacement 2moro!

Oh, reliving this memory is so hard, as i type i'm almost short of breath myself and reliving every event that happened that nite, it was the worst experience your dad and i have gone through to this date lets hope we won't ever have to go through anything like this again. We will be eternally grateful to Ofalia House nursing staff, edenderry fire officers and the paramedics for saving your life.

App with Dr Quinn

17th November '09

Delighted with you this morning you drank 6oz of formula, was trilled with you. After this tho you refused much more fluids and we were back to square one with ya, aghhhhhh! You were still taking spoonfeeds, tried holding off on a spoonfeed to see would you take bottle but to no avail, you were just too cute for me!

Today you sat up in your swing for the very 1st time, it was amazing seeing you reach a milestone like this, now you'd something supporting you on front but you sat right up and didn't flop back, phone yer dad right away to tell him and he was delighted.

We'd a app in Dr Q's private clinic this evening @ 4pm re the sint moving. He said he was happy with the placement of the stint, it wasn't exactly where is was supposed to be but it was still doing some work. I explained about you not being yourself so he sent you for an xray. On return and exam he discoved the stint had moved considerably so he'd have to remove it and try another one, you were scheduled for this friday. He also said that while the kidney wasn't working correctly you may experience spasams. Poor lil man, you've enough to be dealing with. We were worried maybe another stint might not be successful either and worried you've to go through this procedure again.

I also questioned to myself, back in mullingar in sept when you'd a kidney scan, the sonographer said the stint had moved and doc's said it was fine. Is this just coincidience!

Few unsettled nights!

14-16 November '09

You had a few unsettled nights, you didn't get much sleep seemed agitated. Yer dad was not pleased with you ;-) You were also refusing bottle for me which was getting me really worried, you just didn't seem yourself. The only way i could get food into you was through your spoonfeed which you didn't seem to refuse!

We started you on spuds which you loved and we also introduced pear and pinapple, pinapple was something that you just didn't take well to, ah well if we're getting spuds, carrots, bn squash, pear and mango into you we're doin well, your're not gonna like everything we try you with. Really wish you'd drink yer bottle tho lil man, 3oz milk 3 oz water all day is just not enough, hope you weren't brewing something. Dr Q should sort you out at app on 17th hopefully!

Hospital stay in Crumlin

9th November '09
Your angeogram was today, Dr Oslizlok performed your procedure. You've been fasting since 3am and you were in such great form even tho your such a lil star, say you were well full from your bottle and spoonfeed at 2.30am. We went down for your procedure at 10.30am it was supposed to be 9am, both yer dad and i brought you into the cath lab, they usually only let one in but it was nice that we both got to take you in.

Your last cath took bout 2hrs recovery and all, they told us u should be back withing 1 1/2 hrs, you were 3hrs gone we were a nervous wreck and all the texts and calls from hime didn't help even tho we knew they all meant well. We were not informed why it was taking so long, eventually i got up and went to ask. You were being kept in recovery longer because your saturations were getting it hard to increase. They went in from both side, your right side didn't work initally so they had to go in from the left. You were bruised but in ok form, bit groggy but this didn't stop you taking your bottle.

Your dad and i stayed on level 2 parent accomodation again 2nite so we'd be close should you need us. Your big sister abigail phoned to say she missed ya loads but we'd hoped to get home tomorrow. Dr Oslislok came later on the nite with great news. He told us the lung arteries seemed to have grown from 2mm when born to 5mm now and not far off the norm. This would make options for surgery much better, knew you were a little fighter buddy, he did also notice your kidney seemed enlarged and recommended a kidney scan 2moro.

10th November '09
Today the nurses were on stike from cutbacks from the government to the public service, so there was only skeleton staff on. We'd hoped your kidney scan would be today but unfortunately it didn't go ahead, hoped to see Dr Mc today but that didn't hapen either. One up on 2day was you were back to your old self, and your voice was back to norm.

11th November '09
You had your kidney scan this afternoon, looks like your kidney stent has moved. Three people came to look at your scan and then they sent you for an xray. None of Dr Quinn's medical team were around to see you 2day which was ridicilous i was so mad. Dr McMahon came and we had a good chat about questions we had re your surgery and condition. Dr McMahon is very honest and he tells us exactly how it is which is great, he's so nice and we couldn't have asked for a better cardiologist for you. I asked him what are your chances of just dying suddenly coz a baby died recently at home, he said that the way the anatomy of your heart was you would not be a candidate for your heart to just suddenly stop, if you were in heart failure it would be gradual rather that sudden. He asked us to stay another night so he could consult with us after the cardiac connference in the morning. Myself and yer dad went home for a few hrs 2day to see abigail and whilst we were gone Anne a really nice nurse took great care of you and the nurse came to give you your 2nd RSV injection. Hated leaving you but abigail needed us too, we were back up within a few hrs and got to cuddle you after yer ordeal of the injection, Natasha was around too so she was there when u were getting your needle.

12t November '09
Dr Mc was straight u to us after the conference and began to discuss your surgery plan... SHOCK
We expected your surgery to be 5-6hrs maybe but Dr Mc confirmed it'll be 9hrs long and very complex. The survival rate is 70-80% ie. 1 in 4 don't survive. He told us to make sure everyone was aware how serious the surgery will be and what chances will be. It was great to be told all the facts but boy were we brought back to reality with a big bang. Its so hard for us to see you sick when yer thriving and look so healthy. Dr Mc says you won't be running marathons or playing inter county football but you will lead a normal enough life and they're will be loads you will be able to do. Hearing this was so hard especially for your dad. Every dad loves who's big into sport loves to imagine their son out playing soccer, football, rugby, hurling etc. and follow in Dad's footsteps. But please god when it comes to then things will have changed and you'll prove them all wrong and i've lots of hope and faith that you will. Your had all your checks done and then you were discharged, happy days xox

Two sets of medical students examined you during your stay and you were so charming to them all smiles and giggles and showed off all your developmental markers to them, thats my little buddy, great lil man.

Parachute Club & Back to Hospital

8th November '09
Last nite me & yer dad were out and i wasa late one but anywho yer brave cousin Kim was doing a parachute jump this morning in aid of autism. Got a call from kim earlier than expected and up we'd to get and dress u and yer sis quickly to get yez out to see her jump. Got there on time anyway and we took some pics and videoed the jump, she was excellent. You slept through it all tho, snug as a bug in yer buggy!

Today was your admission day to Crumlin and you were due to have yer cardio catherisation tomorrow. Telehoned Crumlin @ 9.30, 11.30 & 12.30 when we were finally told to bring you in and your procedure will be going ahead as scheduled 2moro. We got all packed up, arranged abigail to be looked after and headed off to Crumlin.

Arrived in Crumlin @ 5pm, we checked in and your dad and i stayed in the parents accomodation on level 2 so we could be close should u need us. It took u ages to settle in a strange cot but we soothed you off to sleep eventually. Just as u were snoozing the IV nurse came and had you screaming for what seemed like forever to get your canula in. Short while after she left we got you settled again. Yer little friend Lana from from your 1st stay was next door to us with her mam Natasha, Lana has gotton so big since the last time we saw her. Natasha chatted to me about Lana's progress, i was s shocked to hear all her complications, pool little chic but i was delighted to hear she was doing so well, her mam says she's a fighter just llike you.

We stayed with you til after 10pm then headed off to bed, i came back down at 2.15am to feed you, i was astonished when u drank 20ml short of 7oz plus a spoonfeed, your a jack savage to eat lil man.We were both on the 2nd floor but to get to the parents accomodation we'd to go downstairs, to end of hospital and back u to level 2, but is was a nice feeling to have to so close xox sleep well buddy xox

GP Visit

5th November '09
Today i brought you down to Dr E coz you were starting to seem a little chesty. He prescribed amoxacillen along with calpol and he said it should clear up within a few days. Worried chestiness may be to do with your heart, cardio cath has been re-arranged for next week so we'll get some answers then xox poor lil man xox

Procedure Cancelled ;-(

2nd November '09
You were due in y'day for cardio catherisation (angeogram), no beds y'day so we'd to call this morning to check for beds and fast you from 6am. Called hospital and no joy, yer procedure had been cancelled, you weren't even on the list to be in, no explanation, no notice and we'd you all packed up and ready to go. Typicall, last time they called us in at the last minute without notice, it's either a feast or fammine with them and i was all ready for ya, ah well these things happen for a reason i suppose. xox

Strawberry Baby xox

1st November '09

From today i started to notice you beginning to take an interest in what everyone else was eating, so on the table was some strawberries, your sister abigail loves strawberry's. So i decided to wash one and cut the top off and allow you explore your taste buds. It was halarious, your lips were goin super fast and you were sucking mad, you looked like you truely enjoyed that strawberry and the camera was close at hand to capture the moment xox guess u loved strawberry's too xox

We also started you on 3 spoonfeed coz you were getting to be a little savage, we've moved on from some of your boxed feeds to blending for you, starting with mango which you loved, potatoes and butternut squash were next on the list along with exploring other fruits. Bottom pic is you after yer strawberry... not happy we took it away ;-(

Halloween

31st October '09

It was Halloween Night and yer dad was off work so it was gonna be a great nite. We had loads of bags done up for the kids on the street coz we'd be out all evening bringing you everywhere to trick n' treat. Abigail had learnt off a song to sing at everyones door, we were only visiting family but that was the problem both our families live in edenderry so our work was gonna be cut out for us!

We did shirley's, laura's, nanny kellys, glenn's, mary, doloras, nanny kates, maries, liam's, tony's maggie's, rosaleen's, john's and dotty's. Bohy did that take us some length, i said never again next yr every1 can come to us, altho the most fun part was showing u both off in yer super cool costumes yez made an absolute fortune as well as loadza goodies (which me n yer dad indulged into).

Your dads gonna kill me for posting this pic but we were a pretty cool halloween family in this picture, even if it's against d rules to wear ur uniform outside work, kinda ironic... lol xox

Yet another b'day party...

22nd October '09

Today you busy lil man u were off to yet another b'day party. This time we didn't have far to go... 2 doors down to your cousin's Finn's 1st B'day party. Shirley had friends n family gathered with a halloween themed party, is was great fun, great food and yummy wine was on offer for the yummy mummy's ;-)

Finn spent most of his party playing with you in your buggy and takin out your do do and putting it back in. Finn loved playing with you whilst abigail, evie & ross had fun running around wearing party hats n blowing party blowers much to everyone's annoyance. Another great party lil man xox

Clonfert Day

21st October '09

Today we went off with Ro Ro to see Eddie Stone in Clonfert, Eddie seen you soon after you came home from hospital when you were born and gave you a great blessing whilst lying in the palm of his hands. Eddie is a great friend of Ro Ro and Luke and you are always in his prayers.

Today Eddie gave you such a powerful blessing in this blessing his also included twin girls who were next to us and a physically & mentally handicapped girl. He requested everyone to focus their prayers for that moment on you, the twins and the girl, we were priviledged to have had such a blessing 2day. Your dad was so upset and so was Ro Ro and all the ppl around us praying. I didn't cry i just stood strong with you in my arms thanking God for this blessing. xox

RSV 1 of 5 aghhhhhh

20th October '09

Today was the 1st of your RSV infections, this was the first of a course of 5 injections you would be getting over the winter period. These injections would protect you against the awful respiratory syncytial virus, whick with your condition could wipe you out.

A lady came to the house to administer the injection, she made up the injection and had to leave it settle for 20mins before she could give it to ya and wait 20mins after you got it. You gave a little cry but u were great lil man, all u go through just breaks our hearts, your so brave xox

Along comes spoonfeed No 2.
15 wk's old 2day and along comes spoonfeed no. 2, you were such a savage when it comes to solids. You were lovin the sunshine banana & fruity rice pudding, baby rice was becomming very bland for ya and u'd turn yer nose up to it, cheeky lil fecker xox

Development Check & another b'day party

13th October '09

Today you had a developmental check with lady doc from HSE in the health centre, edenderry. She did loads of checks on you and we were super trilled to hear all your developmental markers have been met so far. With Digeorge you can have developmental delays (and you may still develop this trait), your dad and i were so worried about this (stupid i know), we just didn't want you to be behind your age group, we wanted as nomal as possible life for you and i don't mean that in a bad way chic, we'd love u no matter what, developmental delays would just make yer life more difficult and u've enough to be dealing with your heart & kidney problems.

We had Scotts 7th B'day Party this evening, it was just a family gathering with all his cousins and of course lil sis Faith. We had great fun taking pics of you and faith 2gether but it was impossible to get a smile outta you this evening, ah sure it's not fair expecting you to be smiles all the time, 99% of the time your beaming with your infectious smile & adorable dimples so it's quite alrite for you to hav a not smiley moment chic xox
Did you not like being Postman Pat chics xox

Endocrine OPD

6th October '09

Back up to Crumlin 2day for Endocine App, yer auntie Ro Ro & Maggie came with us for d drive, for you as well as the opportunity to go to Liffey Valley on the way home ;-) Endocrine dept deal with issues relating to your parathyroid glands. You are currently on calcuim and vit d supplements because your parathyroid glands lack sufficent amounts of them.

Parathyroid Gland
Four small masses of epithelial tissue are embedded in the connective tissue capsule on the posterior surface of the thyroid glands. These are parathyroid glands, and they secrete parathyroid hormone or parathormone. Parathyroid hormone is the most important regulator of blood calcium levels. The hormone is secreted in response to low blood calcium levels, and its effect is to increase those levels.
Hypoparathyroidism, or insufficient secretion of parathyroid hormone, leads to increased nerve excitability. The low blood calcium levels trigger spontaneous and continuous nerve impulses, which then stimulate muscle contraction.

Hmmmmm now if ya understand all that u'd be doin well, (obviously copied n' pasted)  ;-)

Anywho, great news Dr Costigan & his tall handsome reg. (shhhh don't tell yer dad) decided that yer calcuim levels have regulated and no need for any more vit d or calcuim supplements, yippie !!! I've to have yer bloods done regulary but not every 2wk's like b4 which was excellent news, was so delighted for ya chick u deserved a break from blood tests xox Dr Costigan said thats it's a rare occurance that levels regulate themselves so quickly, they've only seen one other case like this b4.

All them candles n prayers are kicking in, would want to you've prayers all over the world being said for you (ireland, rome, lourdes, america) Ro Ro knows lots of ppl xox

+ Off to Knock +

4th October '09

Today we set off mega early to Knock, Co. Mayo to say a few prayers, have us all blessed n thank god for your marvellious progress.

When we got there your dad & i went off to feed you yer bottle whilst d other's.... guess .... yep browsed d holy shops, can't go anywhere without doin a bit of shopping they can't ;-) We rubbed you off the stone where our lady appeared, we went to mass for the sick and we did confession. You were super good all day long, u were happy once ya had yer spoonfeed, bottle & nappy changed.

It was so nice to bring you to knock, it's such a lovely peaceful place, place doen't mean anything to you or abigail but it's comforting knowing i brought you to such a holy place to get blessed. I wouldn't be over religious, but we were so thankful that you were thriving and doing so well. xox

Another b'day party

3rd Oct '09

Today it was Lee's b'day party and shirleys was heaving with kids, ye dad had to work so i was goin solo! I decided to dress ya up in yer Liverpool gear today and man did u look cute... stud muffin, give me u over stevie gerard any day lil man.

Party was great, abigail was goin mad on the bouncing obsticle course, fair play to her coz it was only really designed for 5yrs plus really. Yer sis can be a pretty princess when she wants to be doin ballet n hip hop then she can do a u turn fairly quickly n play tom boy, a little madam she is.

Every1 was looking 2 get a cuddle from ya at the party, Glen P had ya propped up on both knees chattin away, u were all smiles, Betty was also cuddling u and loads more. Those dimples in yer liverpool jersey, tracksuit & even liverpool runners, u'd run away with ya in a second!

Look at those pics wow lil man, what a memory xox

1st Movie in Cinema

Sometime aug/sept

I did put your 1st cinema tickets up somewhere but do ya think i can find dem, after hrs of searching through d rubbish i hold on ta, i give up an give an educated guess...

So we went to mullingar and brought you, abigail & scott to see Ice Age 3 Dawn of the Dinosoars. It was great to have kids as an excuse to go to cartoon ;-) My other motive was to let yer dad see what it'd be like to go to the movies with 3 kids, ie. can we try again soon 4 another!!! Well Scott was 6, abigail 3 and you were couple of mths so i was given him thought for maybe 5yr old 2yr old & new baby! Not asking for much now and it kinda worked into yer dads mind okish. I would like a little babes growing up alongside you as company when ab's goes off to school in Sept '10, a bab's dat'll cheer ya up on yer sick days xox

Anywho back to the movie, it was great yez all loved it and as loud as it was der wasn't a peep outta ya as ya sat in yer baby sling all comfie n snug. Was looking forward to bringing along to our next movie xox

Shhhhhh - Your 1st taste of spoonfeed ;-)

29th Sept '09

This evening i said i'd make up a couple of spoonfils of pure baby rice and see how you'd take to it... Well it was like a duck to water, you loved it couldn't suck it in quick enough. I only gave you a couple of spoonfils to allow you get used to the texture, i know yer not at the 4mths mark yet but hey some ppl i know started much earlier than me! Your dad an i did a video to capture the moment, it was class! Was so looking forward to the next few wk's, tring you on different foods and cooking/blending baby food again, exciting times ahead ;-)

Stephen's Leaving Party

27th Sept '09

Your uncle steadie was heading off to chad the 1st Oct so your auntie Linda decided to throw him a going away party at her house. So everyone came and we had great fun, you sat up in your buggy the whole time playing with your buggy play arch.

Staedie fell asleep at his own party and when he decided to grace us with his pressence we presented hime with a old offaly jersey which had just been relaunched in shops. You were all simles for everyone and we stayed out there til late, dressed you and abigail in your pj's and abigail & ross put on a song n' dance show for everyone b4 we left. It was a great day out for us all.

Photo Shoot 4 Model Baby ;-)

24th Sept '09

Today we had a photo shoot arranged with potrait.ie in Celbridge, Co. Kildare. Was rushing around all morning trying to get things ready, then got me hair coloured and it didn't turn out as i expected so wasn't in the best of form, thought me hair made me look like a boy, your dad didn't confirm otherwise!

Anywho, you and abigail were great at the shoot, you were quite as a mouse, abigail was rooting through all of yer ones stuff, wonder where she gets her nosiness from??? Anywho we can't really afford to get pics done now but we told the photograper that we will come next week to pick some out and we will purchase them after xmas. Main thing is we got them done while you were small and babylike with all the layers of fat :-) just like when we got them done for abigail, me and you dad were delighted with the shoot despite my bad hair day!

Doc visit :-(

21st Sept '09

Had to bring you to Dr E 2day, he said you have a chest infection so he prescribed ventolin. Rang Kathleen in crmlin to check that is was safe to give you this. She said it was ok, alot of heart babies get this when they've chest infections but only give when required.

Gave it too you for few days but stopped it as you were getting the shakes with it and this freaked me out, confirmed with crumlin to stop it, i'll have to bring you back if you still appear, sometimes heart babies seem chesty but it's just the vsd/asd (holes) that makes you breathe in a certain way.

1st Private App

14th Sept '09

Today was you 1st private appointment with Dr McMahon, nothing fancy bout the private clinic but we were in and out in no time. Dr Mc was pleased with your progress, heartwise nothing seemed to change, size wise he was delighted to see you were growing and growing so fast. He told us not to delay on the spoonfeeds when you come of age! might squeeze in a little b4 4mth stage ;-)

Cardio Catherisation (angeogram) will be booked for 5-6wk's time, then they will meet so they can put in a poa for your surgery...

Off to the hospital we go again!!!

9th-12th Sept

Had to bring you to A&E 2day b'coz i just wasn't happy with you, i knew something was amiss. Your temp would go once i gave you the calpol but after 4-6hrs it would be right back up again, it couldn't be just the immunisations. True to my word, mothers instincts was right, you had a kidney infection.

You were admited to paeds ward in private room and they took 3 urine samples to send them off to be analysed. Cultures report came back to say you were sensitive to the antibotix prolaxis you were on (the antibotic you were on was not suitable to protect your kidney from infections). So they changed you onto trimeoprim/monotrim.

I asked Dr Bates should you have a kidney scan seen as you only had a stent put in last week. He said "Yeah ok, i suppose so", jesus he vexed me, the minute we got you home i was changing you over to Dr Sharif, she's such a better dr in my eyes anyway. Anywho you had yer scan, the sonograper nearly gave me heart failure when she suggested to me that the stent was not visible and it looked to have moved and the kidney was enlarged a little.

Back in the room i cried my eyes out thinking bout the thoughts of you havin to go through this procedure again, this was so unfair, you were only 2mths old. I was so mad. Dr Bates came after a few hrs and was so rude to me & your dad, he said yes the stent was moved slightly but it was still doing the job and the kidney was supposed to be enlarged. Oh i was fit to thump him, no compassion or understanding at how worried we were, asshole! He was just about to be fired from your care that was for sure!

Me & your dad took it in turns to stay over so we could each get time with your big sis abigail. Was feeling so bad we were being away from her so much, mind you she didn't seem to care, she was getting loads of sleepovers and spoilt rotton ;-)