I hate goodbyes and in your case it's not goodbye chic coz u'll always be with us no matter what, we may not be able to hold you in our arms and physically feel you but we will feel you in spirit and in our hearts coz no matter what you will always be a big part of our hearts no matter how broken it may seem now.
When you were born we always knew there would be risks of you dying, but that risk we didn't expect until heart surgery considering how well you were doing. Never for a minute did i think we would be met with this day so soon. We prayed everyday that this would something that would not darken our door. Teresa your godmother did my hair 2day, she's been so amazing this past few days, a true godsend. She is so proud to be chose to be your godmother. We gave Teresa and Paul their xmas presents from you today. Paul & Trish have also been amazing this last few days. Our whole family have been a backbone of support not just the last few days but since you were born they've been fantastic.
More ppl came to visit you today, you did more in 5 1/2 months and met more ppl that any other child your age, you sure did get places chic, a little charmer you've been. We took you downstairs for prayers , the coffin was brough in, time was getting close. The room cleared, this was it the moment since monday that we'd been dreading. Your grandad Ollie (in good intentions) didn't give us much time to linger together. It was like 2 magnit forces pushing against each other as i walked you to the coffin. It broke our hearts to lay you into that coffin, your new bed. I placed you down and with you was your snuggle blankie comforter, rosery beads and elmo from your grandad kelly, pack of milybar stars from Kathleen, pic of abigail for you to never forget how much you meant to her and i wouldn't let you go without you doodie and it was clipped to you with a tigger clip so you wouldn't lose it.
I gave you a kiss so strong, it was enough to last upon you forever, no goodbyes coz this wasn't goodbye you were always gonna be with us deep in our hearts. Paul drove us to church, we carried you in the back of the car with us as you lay in your angel white bed. All family and friends walked behind us to the church. We cried the whole way to church, your dad was such a great support even tho he was devestated. The church was jammers, for a christmas eve and a baby of just 5 1/2 mths you sure did draw a crowd... a stylish farewell ;-)
Mass was beautiful, perfect in everyway, Mag & Gay sang beautifully. During the whole funeral mass i was completly distracted by a robin flying high over the alter, he actively flew up and down the window and across the alter high up from window to window. A robin had sat at my back kitchen window last week and hearing so many stories of how robins are related to death, it was kind of comforting as if you were giving us a sign that things will be ok and your safe and healthy now. Make ya wonder???
Mass ended and we brought you to your place of buriel with my nan & grandad. Your grandad ollie carried you up the aisle, however he managed i don't know, maybe you helped him through it. Grandad kelly took over, followed by Liam, Glenn, Dotty, Martin, Paul and finally your dad took you in his arms for the final steps, the last hurdle. The buriel was deeply upsetting for all of us, unexpectidly uour big sis abigail took an awful shock and went into hysterics when your angel bed was lowered into the ground. It was heartbreaking listening to her cry out for you, absolutely heartbreaking. I explained that down the big scary hole was a tunnel and thomas the tank engiene was waiting down there to bring you through the tunnel and up to heaven in time for santa to arrive. Don't ask me where this idea came from but it just came to me! She calmed down soon afterwards.
During mass, Paul did a reading, Kim & Liam prayers of the faithful, nanny's brough up gifts, ro ro & shirley brought a pic of your smile and your liverpool jersey and runners, glenn & maggie brought up your xmas cards and your musical mobile pooh, abigail brought up your bubble, Luke read the offortury and Teresa read the communion reflection i put together. Ollie (good in thoughts again) rushed us home so diggers could fill in the grave! Imealda dropped in xmas deserts and cake for the after service. Tina & Ray had a beautiful spread on of sandwiches i think chicken and sausages and soup.
I went upstairs to gather my thoughts, the rustle and bustle of downstairs made me realiase life must move on, time cannot stand still and time cannot move backwards unfortunately... I wished the world could just stand still or time move back so we could relive all those happy memories once again and treasure them even more that we had done. Little by little ppl left our house and then there was 3... me your dad & abigail.... not 3 tho 4 coz it'll always be 4 well for now anyway, maybe in time you'll have a little brother or sister. But for now it'll always be 4, the 3 of us and you in each of our hearts.
Being on our own was short lived, mammy & sarah came to help us prepare for 2moros dinner. Dotty came and Laura was in from next door all showing great support as always. Rosaleen, Luke, Maggie, Johnny & Kathleen came to help us lay abigail's presents out and leave room for santa to leave his presents down for her. The room was jam packed, she was gonna be a busy girl in d morning.
We then went off to bed, what would be our 1st night without you here, knowing you'd never be 'here' physically again...
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